Another Year Gone By.

So...my birthday's next week. And to be honest, I'm really not too excited about it.

I have to work the entire weekend (Friday to Monday...who does that?!), and sleeping is starting to turn into my favorite pastime again, so skipping the entire day is a definite possibility at this point.

Let's see...how did this past year go? I think I'll keep it short this time around. I learned a lot, lived a lot, loved a lot, lost a lot, gained a lot. And the powers that be gave me another year as a reward.

Now for a few updates:

- For anyone that I may not have talked to, the wedding went well. Sister #1 and BIL are finally more relaxed, and after some time away, it's back to regularly scheduled programming.

- The little dude is getting huge! He's walking and talking now...he even found himself a date at the wedding! (The pic's on my phone...shoot me a message, and I'll send it to you.)

- Okay, so there wasn't a few...just those two. Oh, well.

I'm definitely resigned to the fact that I'm just getting older. The last three years have been pretty uneventful, in contrast to the theory that the fun starts at 21; I haven't spent the day with someone close (that I didn't share blood with) in five. Granted, part of that is due to the fact that I don't think I should have to call anyone to spend time with me on my own birthday, but the day itself does fall at a down time...there's the Labor Day holiday, which is the unofficial end of summer. Everyone's back in school, or working, and schedules are filling up pretty quick. More locally, Sister #1's SIL shares the same day with me, and Sister #2's is five days after. Being the more social of the three, she usually has something planned that everyone hops into.

I've been really tuned in on being more responsible, and I'm starting to see some of the things that get trimmed down in the process. Before the wedding, I hadn't had anything to drink in a month and a half, and a month before that. I went to a game the day after with a friend, and as much as I tried to get into it, I just wasn't feeling it. I had to work the next morning, and I could tell that they weren't having fun. Add in the fact that everyone works when I'm off, and fills their weekend daylight hours to make up for the fact that they're at work all week, and you get the general picture.

I think it's good for me, though. While I do feel bad, because I've lost touch with more than a few people, it's been beneficial in establishing the type of relationship (or lack thereof) that I have with them, and putting more time into getting to know people that would be interested in spending time with me. For a long time, I thought that just being cool with people would be enough. Not quite. If you're always there...always listening...always helping out...people treat you differently. You're just...there. There's nothing to work for. Some people will get mad about it; some will find a way to stir the pot; some will simply lose interest in being around you. Note that most displays of emotion at this point won't be received well...example statement: "You never get this worked up at any other time. This is only because you think you're losing something. You don't really care either way."

Regardless of how much truth may lie behind that, just being "cool" will lead to more losses than gains. And the kicker? You're the one that'll feel the worst about it. Everyone else will move on...you don't care, so why should they? I'm sure I've started a lot more problems than necessary, mostly without even trying. And for someone who rarely forgets names, faces, and places that have a really big impact, every day is like a sick flashback. One of the hardest parts of life that I deal with is the fact that there are things that I'll never be able to make right. For anyone who may be on the other end of anything like this (and you know who you are), just know: I care. I always will. It hurts like hell.

All screwups aside...somehow, I still manage to get to the other side. There's a lesson to be learned, a lot of pain to get through, and a lot of love left to give. It's been 23 years, and 359 days...and I still don't get it all. And you know what? That's quite alright. Someone's giving me the chance to learn. Happy birthday to me.

Eight Days Away...

My oldest sister is getting married next Sunday...and I'LL be glad when it's over. She's been driving herself crazy with all the planning and whatnot, plus all of the other random drama that's popped up in the last few months or so. I know she's just anxious for the day that they can say their "I do's", go on their honeymoon, and finally relax a little.

It seems to be working out well...the family gets along with the BIL (brother-in-law, for the acronym-impaired), and he's basically the brother I never had. The fact that it took them so long to get to this point is another story in itself, but it's just good that they stuck it out, and they made it. I've seen so many other couples fall apart in the time they've been together, and usually over things that could be resolved with a little time and patience.

I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. Not only am I groomsman, which is an honor in itself, but I'll be singing, too. To be more specific...I'll be singing for my sister as she comes down the aisle. Not the traditional "Wedding March," as you would expect. I've been working on it, but I know it's still going to drive me crazy when the time finally comes.

My main focus is being able to keep my eyes open long enough...working overnights isn't hard, but it's definitely thrown off my sleeping pattern. Here's the general schedule for next week: I have to work the Friday and Saturday before (I was going to work late Sunday, too, but my mom convinced me otherwise. Not that I think work or money is more important, but I NEED to. We'll go into why later...). Wedding stuff is basically all day Sunday...if I don't finish up at work at a decent time (around 7:30am), there's a good chance that sleep just won't happen for a while.

But wait, there's more...there's the possibility of a doctor's appointment on Monday afternoon, I'm supposed to go to a White Sox game with a friend that night (I haven't been to one in years, so I'm not trying to miss it...that, and a girl that enjoys baseball is hard to come by), and I have work again Tuesday morning. Thankfully, I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off...I'm turning off everything, and passing out!

The weird thing is...there was a time when I thought I was close to where my sister is now. I was pretty sure that I'd met the person I was going to marry...but things happen...lines get crossed, and there's not enough that can be said or done to clear the air. Is it sad? Definitely...no one wants to lose someone that they really care about. But the silver lining is that someone will come along, and it'll make you completely re-think the way you do things, usually for the better.

Okay...back to the need to work. Yeah, it's something that should just be done, but next Sunday also starts an unofficial countdown of sorts. At some point in early 2009, the newlyweds are moving to St. Thomas...the BIL's originally from there, and his dad owns a resort there. They're going to take over running the business...it wasn't supposed to happen for a while, but there was an unfortunate incident earlier in the year, and it kinda sped things up a bit.

As it relates to me, it only gives me a few months yet to keep the ball rolling, and find some new digs, or face one of four situations: I move in with my other sister (granted, I would get to see the little dude a lot more, but I would slowly turn into a babysitter...not too fun), I move back with my dad (anyone who knows me knows that this just isn't happening, and for good reason), or I stay where I am, and live with my mom when she gets ready to move (I love my mom to death, and it's the most viable of the three, but it would effectively destroy my social life), or I pack up and move to St. Thomas with the couple (I'd have a place to stay, and a job lined up fairly fast, but I'd have to leave the rest of my world behind).

This is reason numero uno for getting myself to work every day...busted economy or not, a person's living situation is one way we indicate their personal progress. Whether it's accurate or not is different, but the surface is usually all that we have to go on. My circumstances aren't your run-of-the-mill type, but I have a pretty good grip on what needs to be done. I'm going to take my time, and cross things off, one by one.

I might end up staying in Chicago...or I might end up on the other side of the world. Either way, I'm going to make myself happy. You're welcome to come along for the ride, but if not, I'll see you when I see you. Let the countdown begin...eight days.