Another Year Gone By.

So...my birthday's next week. And to be honest, I'm really not too excited about it.

I have to work the entire weekend (Friday to Monday...who does that?!), and sleeping is starting to turn into my favorite pastime again, so skipping the entire day is a definite possibility at this point.

Let's see...how did this past year go? I think I'll keep it short this time around. I learned a lot, lived a lot, loved a lot, lost a lot, gained a lot. And the powers that be gave me another year as a reward.

Now for a few updates:

- For anyone that I may not have talked to, the wedding went well. Sister #1 and BIL are finally more relaxed, and after some time away, it's back to regularly scheduled programming.

- The little dude is getting huge! He's walking and talking now...he even found himself a date at the wedding! (The pic's on my phone...shoot me a message, and I'll send it to you.)

- Okay, so there wasn't a few...just those two. Oh, well.

I'm definitely resigned to the fact that I'm just getting older. The last three years have been pretty uneventful, in contrast to the theory that the fun starts at 21; I haven't spent the day with someone close (that I didn't share blood with) in five. Granted, part of that is due to the fact that I don't think I should have to call anyone to spend time with me on my own birthday, but the day itself does fall at a down time...there's the Labor Day holiday, which is the unofficial end of summer. Everyone's back in school, or working, and schedules are filling up pretty quick. More locally, Sister #1's SIL shares the same day with me, and Sister #2's is five days after. Being the more social of the three, she usually has something planned that everyone hops into.

I've been really tuned in on being more responsible, and I'm starting to see some of the things that get trimmed down in the process. Before the wedding, I hadn't had anything to drink in a month and a half, and a month before that. I went to a game the day after with a friend, and as much as I tried to get into it, I just wasn't feeling it. I had to work the next morning, and I could tell that they weren't having fun. Add in the fact that everyone works when I'm off, and fills their weekend daylight hours to make up for the fact that they're at work all week, and you get the general picture.

I think it's good for me, though. While I do feel bad, because I've lost touch with more than a few people, it's been beneficial in establishing the type of relationship (or lack thereof) that I have with them, and putting more time into getting to know people that would be interested in spending time with me. For a long time, I thought that just being cool with people would be enough. Not quite. If you're always there...always listening...always helping out...people treat you differently. You're just...there. There's nothing to work for. Some people will get mad about it; some will find a way to stir the pot; some will simply lose interest in being around you. Note that most displays of emotion at this point won't be received well...example statement: "You never get this worked up at any other time. This is only because you think you're losing something. You don't really care either way."

Regardless of how much truth may lie behind that, just being "cool" will lead to more losses than gains. And the kicker? You're the one that'll feel the worst about it. Everyone else will move on...you don't care, so why should they? I'm sure I've started a lot more problems than necessary, mostly without even trying. And for someone who rarely forgets names, faces, and places that have a really big impact, every day is like a sick flashback. One of the hardest parts of life that I deal with is the fact that there are things that I'll never be able to make right. For anyone who may be on the other end of anything like this (and you know who you are), just know: I care. I always will. It hurts like hell.

All screwups aside...somehow, I still manage to get to the other side. There's a lesson to be learned, a lot of pain to get through, and a lot of love left to give. It's been 23 years, and 359 days...and I still don't get it all. And you know what? That's quite alright. Someone's giving me the chance to learn. Happy birthday to me.