"The World, Through Sleep Deprived Eyes," June 1.

In the last post, I introduced this segment, a look at some of the more interesting things I've witnessed in my travels through the city of Chicago. Maybe they're interesting overall, or it just seems that way because of the consistent lack of sleep, but there's always comedy to be had. So, without further ado, today's installment of "The World, Through Sleep Deprived Eyes."

- Summer = a great time to be Black. Why? Well, I kinda feel bad for all the tomato-faced people I see walking around. They look like they just finished a half-marathon, and haven't done anything but walk around the corner to the store. Different body parts are either bright red, or that orange-reddish mix if they're making a consistent effort at tanning, and (according to friends), it can hurt like all hell if you're outside even five minutes too long.

I always make a joke about having a "biological tan," but I do get darker during the summer, just from being out and about so much (it also promptly peels off somewhere around Labor Day...never fails). I'm going to go ahead and assume that it sucks to have various places on your body that are excessively sore for extended periods of time, and be thankful that I've never experienced it.

- Skinny Jeans can make you look, well, not skinny. One of the most recent "not for everyone, but sooo many people want to try it" fads is something I've made a bit of noise about in the past. It's a look that takes a pretty balanced figure to pull off well, and I've seen a lot more misses than hits since their inception (re-inception?).

However, I HAVE seen a rapid increase in the amount of exposed underwear, muffin tops, knock-knees (think Tommy Pickles of "Rugrats" fame), and overall uncomfortableness in the name of fashion. Wasn't there a time where we made fun of people whose pants were so tight, their feet looked swollen from all the pressure it took to get the pants on?

- Where Da 'Rats? Most of us city-dwellers are well aware of the fact that once the temperature hits a certain level, it gives certain girls free reign to break out their shortest shorts and skirts, their tightest or skimpiest tops, and hang out on the back of someone's motorcycle over on South Chicago Ave.

Over the last couple years, the appeal of the "Summer Strip" has lessened exponentially. Maybe it's just because I'm getting older, and the girls still look the same age (or, God forbid, younger). Maybe it's just my own idea of what's fashionable (at least, what looks nice) that doesn't agree with what I've seen. I'm not saying that it can't be an attractive look, but I'm definitely more of a t-shirt and (not skinny) jeans kinda guy. Hey, whatever gets you hot. Or keeps you cool. Or gets you home with someone tonight.

- Driving Etiquette, anyone? This weekend gave me more than a few examples of why some people should never be behind the wheel of a car. Let's check a few out.

First: If you don't use your turn signals, and someone cuts you off, you deserve it. Car companies made them so you wouldn't get half your car torn off by someone in the next lane. Or better yet, half your arm torn off from signaling by hand. Don't honk and get pissy when someone doesn't let you over. Get it right, and try again. (Also, don't leave the damn things on for miles on end, especially if you're cruising. It's like waiting for a bus that never comes!)

Second: Speeding during thunderstorms. I think we can figure out why this a bad idea. Kicking up water in someone's line of sight going 75 miles an hour can easily turn tragic if something malfunctions. Never mind hydroplaning, blowouts, and my personal favorite...

Third: Traffic jams. Speed limits were put in place to prevent these from happening. Of course, jams happen for plenty of reasons -- accidents being the most common. But is it really that hard to merge onto the expressway? It's pass, merge, pass, merge. It's surprising how many people are assholes about it...like they're really accomplishing something by being a few feet ahead of another car. All you're doing is making a mess. On a side thought, I always wonder what has to be going on at the front of a traffic jam when there aren't any accidents reported. Are there just two or three cars going 40 miles an hour, and close enough together to where no one can move around them? That's my best guess. Any other suggestions?

There's more, but my bed's calling once again. Until next time!